I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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