Only a mothe r could love this liver
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Randomize