Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
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