What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
