If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I don't deserve a penis
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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