somebody snuck up and got me drunk
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
