Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
