I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
