no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
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