i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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