it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize