His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I think I sprained my soul last night
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
