you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
