i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
