It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
