Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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