I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
