i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
