I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
