YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Sext me about skeletons
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
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