are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
