I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
