Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
