too bad you live with your parents still
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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