Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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