Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
