Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
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