Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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