whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
