You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
