Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize