me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
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