you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
