Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
