my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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