We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize
