Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize