never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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