She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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