i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
