Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
