remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
