I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize