Me too!
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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