So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
