I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
You don't make any sense
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