There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
