would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
