your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
