well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
