2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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