Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
