Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
