remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
