He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
