her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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