It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Randomize
