yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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