He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I stole a fireplace last night.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
