Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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