she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
