He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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