"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
